1. Why can't you borrow money from your mother-in-law? Because she only has daughters.
2. What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending felon.
3. Why don't men like to fart in front of their mother-in-law? Because no man wants to air his dirty laundry in public.
4. Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? Because it's two tired!
5. Why do mother-in-laws always give advice on parenting? Because they're full of opinions and empty nests.
6. How do you know if your mother-in-law likes you? Your wife hates you less.
7. Why is a mother-in-law like a vulture? She's waiting for you to die so she can swoop in.
8. Why couldn't the mother-in-law see her son-in-law? Because she didn't recognize him with his clothes on!
9. Why did the mother-in-law sleep with a dictionary under her pillow? To keep her husband from snoring!
10. Why don't people rent cars from mother-in-laws? Because it would be like borrowing the family!
11. How many mother-in-laws does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None - they'd rather sit in the dark and complain.
12. Why was the stupid mother-in-law confused? She didn't understand the difference between a prostitute and a pirate.
13. Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? The c is silent.
14. Why don't father-in-laws ever go on sea cruises? They hate their children-in-law too much to spend that much time with them!
15. Did you hear about the mother-in-law who backed into a knife? She's got a hunch it was suicide.
16. What do you call a mother-in-law on life support? Electra.
17. Why can't the mother-in-law drive her car? She doesn't have a husband!
18. Why don't mother-in-laws make good musicians? Because they think they are never out of tune!
19. Why don't mother-in-laws have picture frames around their mirrors? Because then they might see someone behind them!
20. Why is divorce like a tornado? Somebody gets the house and the kids, and the other gets the car and the dog.
21. Why can't mother-in-laws see during the day? Because they're only awake at night!
22. Why is traveling with your in-laws like going to the dentist? You always leave feeling drilled!
23. Why do mothers-in-law act as the maid of honor at their sons' weddings? They're afraid no one else will show up!
24. Why can't you hear a psychiatrist go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent!
25. How does a mother-in-law make tea? By hovering over the pot!
26. Why don't dachshunds make good police dogs? They're too long to fit into squad cars!
27. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious!
28. Why can't a bicycle stand alone? Because it's too tired!
29. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese!
30. Why can't a nosy pepper shaker leave the table? Because it's too well-seasoned!
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