Here are 30 housewife dad jokes for you:



1. Why can't a housewife call her husband a vampire? Because he's never home at night! 


2. What do you call a housewife with a yeast infection? Breadwinner.


3. Why can't a soccer mom park in her own garage? Because it's full of cleaning products!


4. Why do housewives use tissues instead of towels? Because they don't know what towels are for! 


5. Why can't a housewife have dental fillings? Because she can't chew gum and vacuum at the same time. 



6. Why did the housewife cry doing laundry? Because the soap opera got into her eyes.  


7. What do you call it when a housewife breaks wind? House hold gases.


8. Where does a housewife keep her money? In a vacuum jar.


9. Why are toilet brushes like housewives? They’re both standing around in warm, dirty water all day doing nothing.


10. Why doesn't the housewife need an oven? She's been baking bread since 7AM! 



11. Where does a housewife keep her aspirin? In the ironing board. 


12. Why did the housewife put a clock under her oven? So she'd know when it's time to take the turkey out. 


13. Why don't seagulls fly over the housewife's house? Because then they'd be bagels!


14. Why is a housewife like a department store dress? She's always on sale at Macy's.  


15. Why do housewives make good darts players? Because they're always throwing things into tiny spaces.



16. What's a housewife's favorite pick-up line? Does this cloth make my butt look big?


17. Why can't a housewife starve in the desert? Because of her wondering eye brows!


18. What did the housewife do when she heard that the toilet was clogged? She called a plumber over immediately to offer him cookies and lemonade.


19. Why don't mice like housewives? Because they are always chasing pussy(cats). 


20. Why don't housewives wear wristwatches? They have too many pans to hold onto already.


21. What do you call housewives in a three-piece suit? Transvestites. 


22. What do you call a housewife locked in a wooden box? A kitchen cabinet. 


23. What do you call a cheap circus run by housewives? A rip off.


24. Why don't housewives wear watches? There's a clock on the stove.  


25. What's it called when a housewife runs out of cash? Broke. 


26. Why does a broom only work when a housewife holds it? Because it needs a woman to do the sweeping!


27. Why are housewives like department store mannequins? They both just stand around all day taking up space. 


28. Why don't housewives wear glasses? They make the numbers run together on the recipes.


29. Why is a light bulb like a housewife? They both screw in the dark! 


30. Why did the housewife wear reading glasses? For the dust on the shelves!